> For the complete documentation index, see [llms.txt](https://once-upon-a-phd.gitbook.io/once-upon-a-phd/llms.txt). Markdown versions of documentation pages are available by appending `.md` to page URLs; this page is available as [Markdown](https://once-upon-a-phd.gitbook.io/once-upon-a-phd/en/prologue.md).

# PROLOGUE

\[Dive Into Life]

![Tribute: B. Pascal (1623); C. Dickens (1867); Liu Cixin (1963) | Helios Xu © 2019 Photography](https://1825092608-files.gitbook.io/~/files/v0/b/gitbook-legacy-files/o/assets%2F-MX6mRmDVjE1JmM29gzJ%2F-MYKnt6LHN4Rg2f1K229%2F-MYKoHRf3OPY6wJ-NTeM%2Fimage.png?alt=media\&token=ab74d5a0-8517-46f5-a4ff-f816b6444e58)

> **“They did not know what we can now sense as we contemplate the course of history: that change begins in the soul before it shows in our lives...”** 
>
> —— [**Franz Kafka**](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Franz_Kafka), **"**[**The Great Wall of China**](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Great_Wall_of_China_\(short_story\)) **🇨🇳  "** (1917)

One early morning, I awoke from an uneasy dream. Found myself transformed into a gigantic beetle in my bed. All of a sudden, carefully look the person in the mirror with the panda eye, thanks god! I am still what I am, the academic bricks I move everyday all has a different color, and I do enjoy being in this world.

I initiated to write something immediately before all the thoughts and epiphanies are gone. "Dr. Metamorphosis," it came to my mind as a title unconsciously. Time back to when I was a teenager, I benefited from my mother's inculcations and finally got a key to the school library. After that, I definitely moved a lot of heavy books back home. Under the warm sunshine in winter, when I was about to fall asleep, I indulged myself in anger from »Eugénie Grandet« to »Le Rouge et le Noir«, sighing from the »Tale of Genji/げんじものがたり« to »A dream of Red Mansions/紅樓夢«, whimpering from »Les Miserables« to »A Flower in a Sinful Sea/孽海花«, those days passed year by year. It was at that time that I first got to know kafka. But I probably had no idea what the austro-hungarian empire was, or that I went to Austria and Hungary a decades later. After reading this novella in those days, perhaps only kafka's strange fantasy by ecstasy world left a deep impression on me. However, after he fantasized that he became a huge beetle, he did not ask himself again like ancient Zhuangzi, while he didn't know if he was Kafka who had dreamt he was a huge beetle, or a beetle dreaming that he was Kafka.

I did not worry about whether I was a worm in the wormhole of the grand universe, insteadly I was bothered by the fact that I had a meeting at 9 o'clock in the morning, and how I could rush to wash up, eat breakfast and catch the train/bus to work before leaving. Lost in the train rim and track sounds, some ancient fuzzy memory slowly became clear, vaguely floating thoughts accrosing my ear, from aquatic era, to crawling and landing era, finally saved up enough energy to fly era, but experiencing the pain and nirvana in the transforming era, and that is my time, my age, my era, my metamorphosis as a doctoral student.

This book is divided into six eras according to the ages, corresponding to the changes of studying period from primary school to "post-doc" time. Chapter 1 of Aquatic Era: Rainy Night of Zong River" sorts out some interesting elementary school diaries. Chapter 2 of "Crawling Era: Notes of Floating Dreams" selected my middle and high school short essays.  Chapter 3 of "Landing Era: Once Upon a Time in Beijing" chose some understandings and comprehensions of university period. The above chapters were just some sort of historical article diaries, I did not rewrite or implement larger changes. The writing can be sensed as slightly immature, melodramatic, embarrassed, abrupt, I beg for the you —— the reader's mercy. After all, everyone was someone.

From the beginning of my master study abroad, the  chapter 4 "Soaring Era: Journey to the West" was newly written, which records the life and thoughts of studying in France and Germany from 2014 to 2016. Chapter 5 "Trans Era: Under the Top of Europe" is the most important chapter in this book, showing the mood transforming and some precautions along the way since the end of 2016, hoping to light up a star lamp for those who has the dream one day to be entitled as a doctorate.

He was naked to come, will leave without any concerns. The eternal song and dance are formed by the eternal desire of the universe, which has a human name that is negligible.

To faithfully commemorate my doctoral career :-)

**Helios Xu**

Summer of 2019\
@Lake Zürich

![ Zürich Bürkliplatz | Helios Xu © 2019 Photography](https://1825092608-files.gitbook.io/~/files/v0/b/gitbook-legacy-files/o/assets%2F-MX6mRmDVjE1JmM29gzJ%2F-MX7Q4kkPZR47U7eS-5j%2F-MX7RD7ybpoa6XFCRezI%2Fimage.png?alt=media\&token=a30011d7-46dd-4a8c-b9b6-4a943092421b)